Mortality is often on my mind. It’s been that way since my dad died in 2023. And it’s reemerged with the recent passing of my wife’s grandmother and a good friend’s father.
When mortality occupies my thoughts, I’m left with the big questions — what’s our purpose? Is there one? And what, if anything, should we leave behind?
People often think about legacy in terms of money, but there’s something else far more valuable.
This thinking is especially true in New York City where I have spent the past decade plus. When I worked in finance, I often heard people talking about generational wealth in terms of family money, investments, real estate, and/or businesses that are passed from one generation to the next.
It’s the Hamptons house. The trust fund. The hedge fund investment.
Even beyond New York City, many people (Americans, at least) think of their legacy in monetary terms. Will my loved ones be financially secure when I’m gone? Have I given them better means and the chance for a better life?
But this is an overly-materialistic way of viewing generational wealth. And perhaps it’s because I’ve experienced the pain of loss and the joy of new life in such a short period of time, with the passing of my father and the birth of my son, that I view generational wealth a little differently than most people I meet.
I would be lying if I said money isn’t a factor. It absolutely is. I want my family to be financially secure and stable.
And it’s also too narrow to view generational wealth as pertaining only to family. Friends, apprentices, anyone you’ve mentored or influenced — they all stand to gain from what you bring to them and the world.
Importantly, what you’re bringing, more often than not, is not money. It’s not investments or real estate or business advice.
It can be wisdom. Friendship. Coaching. Work ethic. Or most importantly and simply, your time and attention.
The best form of generational wealth is your time
As the parent of an energetic 4-year-old, one of life’s greatest joys for me and my wife is a free day or night. It’s not that we don’t love our son. He means the world to us.
But as any parent can attest, it can be exhausting. The physical and mental energy required to keep up can drain even the strongest people blessed with patience like Mother Teresa.
It’s also important to remember the relationship that created the child in the first place. If that falters, it impacts everything.
We’re fortunate to have some support. My in-laws watch our son regularly. My dear mother often swoops in from Seattle to assist.
The time his grandparents spend with him is invaluable. Not only is it a break for mom and dad, it’s an opportunity for him to experience new things. To build relationships with people who aren’t his everyday rule-enforcers.
If you were lucky enough to have a doting grandparent in your life, you know what I’m talking about. Those early experiences shape you. I still remember the warmness and empathy of my maternal grandma, the dignity and artistry my paternal grandma, and the intellectualism of both of my grandfathers.
They all influenced the person I am today in a way no amount of money could.
They gave me their time. They gave me their attention. All to varying degrees and in their own unique ways, of course, but the point is they were all present.
Their presence allowed me to learn, both directly and through osmosis, how they lived. I listened to their stories. I watched how they treated people and engaged with the world.
In that sense, my childhood was an abundance of riches.
Time is more valuable than money
Serena and Venus Williams, the sisters from Compton, California, are two of the greatest tennis players of all time. They didn’t grow up with an abundance of financial riches. But what they did have were parents who invested enormous amounts of time in their development from a young age.
Their father, Richard Williams, was particularly devoted to his girls and guaranteeing they would have a better life than him. He instilled discipline in them from a young age that they carried throughout their career. Will Smith masterfully portrayed him in the film, King Richard (yes, the 2021 film where he won Best Actor, after having slapped Chris Rock in the face).
Having played a lot of baseball growing up, I witnessed too many horrible parents who try to live through their children. Many force them to play or practice something their kids are likely indifferent about at best.
But in the case of Richard Williams, I get the sense it was a team effort. Serena and Venus genuinely seemed to love tennis. They wanted to be great. They were incredibly fortunate to have a dedicated father and mother willing to commit so much time and effort in helping them get there.
Another one of my favorite examples is Bill Clinton. He grew up without financial privilege in Arkansas, but had a mother who prioritized education. She encouraged him to be ambitious, helping him get into elite programs like Boys Nation, where he famously met JFK.
Money could have bought Bill Clinton this type of political access at a young age, but it didn’t need to. His mother had already been encouraging him for years and doing her best to find opportunities for his success.
Alternatively, he could have been Elon Musk’s child. At least one of Elon’s 14 children is estranged from him, and it’s unlikely he can spend much time with each of them while simultaneously running numerous companies. But that doesn’t stop Musk from encouraging people to have as many kids as possible.
Notice he never says, “Spend as much time with your kids as possible.”
If society followed Musk’s logic, we may all grow up without knowing our parents. Maybe our parents would be more successful in their careers, but what type of world would that create with a bunch of adults running around who were completely ignored as children?
What you can do to give the generational wealth of time
Choosing how we spend our time amidst all of the temptations and distractions is probably the most important decision we can make every single day. We can work nonstop and focus on the corporate ladder. We can waste away on social media. We can chase pursuits that are purely in our own self-interests, vanity, or personal gratification.
Or we can try to positively impact someone. Say something nice. Give a compliment. Show up for a friend in need.
People don’t forget when someone has gone out of their way to be kind. Or if someone is consistently supportive of them when they’re not required to be.
So even if you don’t have kids or heirs to pass anything on in terms of assets, you can still pass on your values. Your principles. Your kindness.
Money can be lost, but the hours you spend — listening, mentoring, and showing up — flow through generations. In the end, the surest way to make your mark is simply to give your time.
Who gave you the gift of your time and how did it change you?
Elsewhere…
For those who read Chasing Dim Sum Dreams With My Son in Hong Kong, you know we were in Asia recently. I made a movie on the 3 dim sum spots we tried, ranging from traditional tea houses to a more fine dining option. Hope you enjoy!
Stay tuned for our Friday newsletter on the recent moves at the Bureau of Labor Statistics and how that will likely impact financial markets. It will be limited to paid subscribers only so consider a founding membership before they’re gone!
Thanks for being here.
Fabulous, engaging, and compeling writing. If you've done your parenting to the best of your ability, your kids leave with the greatest gifts there are to give and you've annotated them beautifully here. The money .... They'll have most of that before we pass so we'll see what they do with it. Being the financial and emotional backstop is still fun. And as I think of my great grandsons first birthday .... I think of all the great gifts i've received over my many years on the planet. Have a perfect day.
I love that you extended this beyond family to mentors and friends. It makes me think about who invested time in me without obligation - teachers who stayed after class, mentors who showed up during difficult periods. That freely given attention impacted me more than any financial gift ever could. Happy Tuesday, John.