When I think about my own future with MS, the reality is complicated and deeply personal. So far, I've been fortunate to outrun most of its effects through treatment, determination and frankly, some luck. But I've also experienced the other side – two dark years where I was essentially incapacitated, unable to care for myself or contribute in the ways that define who I am.
That experience showed me that what I truly fear isn't death itself but the loss of autonomy, dignity and becoming a burden on those I love most, especially my husband. There's a difference between being cared for during a temporary illness and requiring permanent care that fundamentally changes your relationships and others' lives.
When my independence, my ability to connect meaningfully with others, my capacity to make choices – is gone, what remains isn't truly living as I define it.
Having the option of assisted suicide isn't something I discuss lightly. It's absolutely a last resort, but knowing it exists provides a strange comfort. My husband and I have had these difficult conversations, and his understanding of my wishes is one of the deepest expressions of love I've experienced.
One of the things I'm most proud of in this life is being 100% independent. That independence isn't just about physical capabilities – it's about having agency over my existence, including how it might end.
Wow, thank you for such a thoughtful response, Neela. As you can probably see, I have very mixed emotions on the topic. I wouldn’t want to promote in society, and I’m deeply affected by my own personal experiences of having a father who fought and struggled through a terminal illness for years. He never gave up and I wouldn’t want others to either when there’s still some meaningful life to live (I still cherish the last couple years we had together even though he was sick).
The subject of this story was in perfectly good health according to the WSJ article I cited (other than being 90 years old). I think that may have been what perplexed me the most.
When I hear stories like yours, it makes perfect sense to have a legal option if and when life becomes far too difficult and burdensome. But the line drawing on this and who makes those decisions is very complicated.
I really appreciate you sharing your perspective and helping to further inform mine. All the best and good health to you.
I understand John - Trust me when I tell you my husband’s POV is aligned with yours and we also saw some relatives die over the years due to cancer. I read about your dad. I am sorry about that. :(
I think it’s also because I don’t have kids and so my view on this is a bit selfish (maybe)
You're using philosophy and law to insert your personal anti-suicide beliefs into what is primarily someone else's private and family decision. If and when death comes for me or a family member I will have zero regard for what ethicists say or what the law in any given jurisdiction says. Their views are irrelevant if they conflict with the dying person's wishes.
No matter what you legislate, you have no power to stop people who wish to die from committing suicide. All you're doing is making it harder and more painful for them when they do so by taking away the easier choices. That's an evil act.
None of this is a pro suicide position. I think the first response of any sane individual when hearing that another person wants to commit suicide is to try to talk them out of it. But nobody should try to permanently remove this option from people who are firmly convinced they're ready to die.
I think it's terrible for one person to tell another person who's over age 70 that they shouldn't end their life if they wish to. It's their life. They don't need to justify their decision to anyone, and it shouldn't be said or implied that they're not behaving rationally because someone else wants them to remain alive.
How we face death is one of the most important and most intensely personal decisions in anyone's life. They can choose to share that decision with others who are close to them, but nobody else has a right to demand to say in it.
But that’s just the challenge with “assisted” suicide, right? Someone else does have a say in it. And if it’s legally condoned in certain jurisdictions, those societies have a say in it. So I think it’s perfectly fair to question whether that’s something we want in society, especially given the role of medicine as “doing no harm” and the challenge of arbitrary line-drawing at age 70, as in the example you gave.
This topic fascinates me a lot, John.
When I think about my own future with MS, the reality is complicated and deeply personal. So far, I've been fortunate to outrun most of its effects through treatment, determination and frankly, some luck. But I've also experienced the other side – two dark years where I was essentially incapacitated, unable to care for myself or contribute in the ways that define who I am.
That experience showed me that what I truly fear isn't death itself but the loss of autonomy, dignity and becoming a burden on those I love most, especially my husband. There's a difference between being cared for during a temporary illness and requiring permanent care that fundamentally changes your relationships and others' lives.
When my independence, my ability to connect meaningfully with others, my capacity to make choices – is gone, what remains isn't truly living as I define it.
Having the option of assisted suicide isn't something I discuss lightly. It's absolutely a last resort, but knowing it exists provides a strange comfort. My husband and I have had these difficult conversations, and his understanding of my wishes is one of the deepest expressions of love I've experienced.
One of the things I'm most proud of in this life is being 100% independent. That independence isn't just about physical capabilities – it's about having agency over my existence, including how it might end.
Wow, thank you for such a thoughtful response, Neela. As you can probably see, I have very mixed emotions on the topic. I wouldn’t want to promote in society, and I’m deeply affected by my own personal experiences of having a father who fought and struggled through a terminal illness for years. He never gave up and I wouldn’t want others to either when there’s still some meaningful life to live (I still cherish the last couple years we had together even though he was sick).
The subject of this story was in perfectly good health according to the WSJ article I cited (other than being 90 years old). I think that may have been what perplexed me the most.
When I hear stories like yours, it makes perfect sense to have a legal option if and when life becomes far too difficult and burdensome. But the line drawing on this and who makes those decisions is very complicated.
I really appreciate you sharing your perspective and helping to further inform mine. All the best and good health to you.
I understand John - Trust me when I tell you my husband’s POV is aligned with yours and we also saw some relatives die over the years due to cancer. I read about your dad. I am sorry about that. :(
I think it’s also because I don’t have kids and so my view on this is a bit selfish (maybe)
Thank you again :)
You're using philosophy and law to insert your personal anti-suicide beliefs into what is primarily someone else's private and family decision. If and when death comes for me or a family member I will have zero regard for what ethicists say or what the law in any given jurisdiction says. Their views are irrelevant if they conflict with the dying person's wishes.
No matter what you legislate, you have no power to stop people who wish to die from committing suicide. All you're doing is making it harder and more painful for them when they do so by taking away the easier choices. That's an evil act.
None of this is a pro suicide position. I think the first response of any sane individual when hearing that another person wants to commit suicide is to try to talk them out of it. But nobody should try to permanently remove this option from people who are firmly convinced they're ready to die.
I think it's terrible for one person to tell another person who's over age 70 that they shouldn't end their life if they wish to. It's their life. They don't need to justify their decision to anyone, and it shouldn't be said or implied that they're not behaving rationally because someone else wants them to remain alive.
How we face death is one of the most important and most intensely personal decisions in anyone's life. They can choose to share that decision with others who are close to them, but nobody else has a right to demand to say in it.
But that’s just the challenge with “assisted” suicide, right? Someone else does have a say in it. And if it’s legally condoned in certain jurisdictions, those societies have a say in it. So I think it’s perfectly fair to question whether that’s something we want in society, especially given the role of medicine as “doing no harm” and the challenge of arbitrary line-drawing at age 70, as in the example you gave.